I was not at all attracted to any type of group tour, but I often looked at what was available in the city where I was just in case there was something that appealed to me. Such was the case in Kuala Lumpur when I found the posting by Rob which was written in very good English. The tour was to be done in his car which meant that there would be just a small group so my first hurdle was behind me.
The tour itself would include three different local food encounters and a trip to the Batu caves where I definitely had planned on going. The clincher was that the tour would also include a visit to a mosque where we would be able to view a call to prayer. I had never been inside a mosque and had not witnessed any praying other than what I had seen on the television. This would be in person and that signed the deal which was only going to cost fifty US dollars for the eight hour day. We were also going to visit a Chinese temple and be walked through a Chinese ritual of asking the deity.
The day before the trip was to take place Rob informed me that I was the only one who had signed up for the day and so he could also easily pick me up and drop me off at my location. Now it was a totally sweet deal and a bargain. I provided him with my contact information and location whereby he informed me that he would be there at 9 AM sharp!
That meant setting an alarm since my sleep was unpredictable. I was very excited by the idea of the trip and it would be my last full day in Kuala Lumpur, so it was perfect. Rob was a bit early and I was barely on time. My mornings were no longer speedy now that I was retired and typically enjoy a relaxed start to my day. Rob was a handsome late twenties man with a broad and engaging smile. He had an athletic build and an attractive head of dark hair. I read his demeanor as totally straight which was later confirmed during our conversations.
Along the ride, Rob and I began to know each other and it was not long before he declared that I was not a fan of President Trump. He provided my travel as the first clue and the fact that I had an interest in multiple religions. I asked about the moderation of Islam in Malaysia and he declared that there was a Malay influence which resulted in a more tolerant version but that more recently that toleration was decreasing and on the school playgrounds it was not uncommon to now see groups formed by religion and ethnic background. There was even governmental rhetoric which declared that it was OK to spit on Chinese because they were not clean like the Muslims. I declared that similar mindsets were growing in many countries and people were becoming increasingly divided and intolerant of any differences. It was not a good sign for the peace of the future.
Our first stop was breakfast at the best location for the Malaysian dish Nasi Lemak which was essentially a fried whole chicken leg with rice, cucumber slices, peanuts and crispy bits along with a spicy sambal that comes on the side. I had been told that since many Malays have this for breakfast, they carry more weight than the average Asian. For me it was a heavy way to start the day, but it was often available at restaurants throughout the day. This was not my first Nasi Lemak but it was indeed the best of the samples I had had. Rob directed us to eat at a sidewalk table for two. We sat at a small plastic table with plastic stools that were a reasonable size for a Caucasian, not like the impossibly low stools in Cambodia.
We waited a long time for our food to be delivered and Rob and I continued our conversation. I asked one of my usual questions about did his parents pressure him about marriage, because there was no ring on any of his fingers. He felt comfortable enough to inform me that he had recently broken up with his girlfriend of seven years. He had identified that they had very different life goals and hers were not ambitious at all and his certainly were. They broke up amicably and he was doing OK. I asked if he were still in love, because I saw his face light up when he spoke about her. He declared that he was mostly over her, but that coincidentally, she and a young man were sitting at a table not far from us in his full view. They were to my back and I didn’t turn around to look but declared that for the universe there was never too much irony. I told him that it was the first test of many where he would unexpectedly encounter her and she may well be with a new boyfriend. He understood and didn’t seem overly bothered but was remarkably open enough with me to tell me what was taking place.
Rob returned with the query, “So, why did you get divorced after all those years of marriage?” Earlier I had informed him that I was divorced and single which allowed the freedom to travel the way that I was. I replied that it was very common for people to get divorced in their fifties because the common work of raising children was completed. Married people might also at that point discover that they no longer had shared interests and decided to go off on their own. In my case, neither of those elements influenced my decision. I boldly explained to him that I had become bisexual in my forties and my marriage didn’t allow honest exploration. Rob listened and was not shocked but asked, “So, you are with women and men?” “Yes, and sometimes together,” I replied. “I knew about gay people, but I didn’t know that bisexuals existed,” he returned thoughtfully. His new knowledge didn’t seem to affect our interactions which continued to be very open throughout the day.
After multiple reminders to servers that we were still waiting for our orders, the Nasi Lemak arrived and looked exactly like it always did, but the tastes and textures were better. We dove into our food and I was completely impressed when Rob was able to get every bit of chicken off of the bone using only the spoon and fork that Malays use for eating every meal. I didn’t want to use my fingers so my chicken bones could have been a full meal for a cat. Rob paid the bill and we returned to the car for the drive to the Batu caves.
I had read online about the colorful Hindu temple which was at the entrance and inside the large cavern itself. The entrance included an impressive statue of Lord Murugan at 140 feet. Made of reinforced concrete and painted golden it was an astonishing site to behold. The 272 stairs to the entrance of the cave were painted with lively colors and were pretty steep. Luckily, there were very secure handrails which I used.
There were four caves, including one to Hanuman, the monkey god, but we only used the main cave. Prior to climbing the stairs, we took off shoes and visited the temple at the base of the entrance which was also gaily colored. Inside were shrines with statues of various Hindu deities and priests were providing blessings to those who requested one.
We began our assent to the heavens and I alerted Rob that I was asthmatic and would make multiple stops along the way but I had climbed the 302 steps at Doi Suteph temple in Thailand so I was confident that I would be OK. During one of our stops a partially eaten green apple came bouncing down the steps in our direction and Rob demonstrated good hand eye coordination by grasping the apple. A nearby monkey who was clambering on the railing looked longingly at the apple and Rob readily offered it. The small green monkey began chewing away but was easily frightened by another tourist behind him who was looking to get a picture. The monkey dropped the apple and sped up the railing to safety. Once again Rob grabbed the apple handily.
As we climbed higher the monkeys disappeared and Rob held onto that partially consumed fruit until we were on our descent after the visit to the Batu caves. As we neared the top, the size of the cave opening became even more impressive with the rough limestone formations. Multiple stalactites were hanging from the ceilings and hugging some of the cave walls. The cavern rose more than a hundred feet inside and continued for as much as 500 feet.
More colorful temple buildings were inside and more colorful statues. Rob explained that only the Tamil Hindus used such colors and that typically the temples were plain stones. I enjoyed the colors because many of the Hindu stories that he was relating were also colorful with very active deities. There were more steps inside the cavern to get to the back of the cave where the ceiling opened up to the bright sunlight of the day. Perhaps a sixty foot opening let in air, light and birds into the Hindu sanctuary where priests were again offering blessings.
Lichen and moss were growing on the walls that didn’t get a lot of sunlight and dark areas that might have been mold or residue from smoke were noted on the upper reaches of the stone walls. It was a most impressive sight and one could feel the Hindu spirits present. Not all of the visitors were tourists and many Indians were indeed praying and receiving blessings.
We began our descent and when we arrived at the monkey level Rob was able to relieve himself of the apple and another monkey was very happy. Rob pointed out the monkey who was closely holding a small baby and it was another sign of the life cycle before us.
We returned to the car and stopped for cendol at a roadside stand. Cendol was a sweet soup made from coconut milk, brown cane sugar, corn and green noodles. Crushed ice made it all very cold and one had to mix it up to get the dark cane sugar from the bottom. I was, of course, the only Caucasian at this stand where there were ten locals sitting at plastic tables and corresponding chairs in the shade of some trees. Rob did the ordering and showed me how to mix it properly. The green noodles looked like beans but they were a soft noodle that I found unpleasant from texture more than taste. The rest, including the bits of corn, were quite tasty and refreshing. The locals made sure to keep their staring discrete, but the children were openly surprised to see someone not like them. I didn’t finish the green noodles, but Rob declared that I had done better than some of his other clients in consuming the cendol.
Fortified with our food, we headed for the mosque which was large by my standards in that it could hold 17,000 worshipers and did so during Friday evening prayers. Fortunately, we were arriving for the 1:30 PM call to prayer when there would not be very many people attending. Rob, who had been to this mosque many times with clients, led the way to the visitor check in area. There were two young female Japanese tourists who were being outfitted with temporary garments which made me think of Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaids Tale. They did, however, reject the dark blue color and requested the light blue robes as more befitting to them. The style was the same and fully covered the body and head leaving the face exposed. The kind Muslim woman at the counter accommodated their request and assisted them in making sure that they covered all of the necessary parts.
Rob and I had both come in long pants and button down short sleeve shirts so we were properly attired. Our shoes had come off at the initial entry point as one does in Asia at all places of worship. The four of us were led to a waiting area and Rob was welcomed by Lenny who must have known him from many other visits to the mosque with clients. I noted that there was a very warm reception for him. Lenny wore a long white robe and had a close fitting white knitted head covering. He was tall and in his sixties with a significant full white beard that had some streaks of black hairs running vertically. He meticulously trimmed the moustache area but not the beard. He had a warm and open smile with a soft voice that reminded me of Capuchin monks I had encountered as a child in my Catholic parish.
I reached out my hand first and introduced myself. He returned my handshake and made good eye contact. He welcomed all four of us and explained that we could view the main room during prayers or remain where we were until prayer was finished to take the tour. All of us chose to observe the prayer session and we headed to the main area after Lenny proudly showed us the wall size photos of the mosque and how it was constructed some 25 years ago. I was impressed in that the architect had chosen design elements from buildings all over the world and yet seemed to make a cohesive whole.
The white marble and other building materials for the Federal Territory Mosque had come from the Middle East as well as Malaysia. The blue dome was fashioned after Hagia Sophia in Istanbul and showed it, while the main entry way harkened to the Taj Mahal.
We were escorted to a small row of folding chairs in a corner of the large prayer room where we were behind the area used by the women for worship. We had a good view to the front where perhaps a hundred men were getting ready for prayer. No sooner than we sat, the first call to prayer came and the beautiful male voice was sonorous in the cavernous mosque. I noted that the men did not all pray using the same method and were spaced out around the huge prayer room. I also noted Arabic writings on the wall and later asked Lenny about them. They represented the ninety nine ways in which one could name the creator.
The second call to prayer came five minutes later and all of the men hurried to be in a very structured straight line at the front of the room facing the leader of the prayer. I observed that when all were in place, very close together with shoulders almost touching, there was a worshiper who roughly adjusted two of the men into more proper stances. This was not a gentle adjustment but a shove with a firm hand. Lenny later told me that anyone was empowered to correct another who was not following the correct procedure.
I also noted a group of about ten women who occupied the last five feet of the prayer room and were informed where their area began with a red roped barricade. All of them were fully covered but none had their faces shielded.
Lenny returned to us following the prayer and informed us that we could enter the praying area once everyone else was completed. That allowed plenty of time for questions and I didn’t hesitate. I asked about my observation that only some men had head coverings and was that significant. Lenny explained that it was a choice and for him it was an important part of identifying himself as Muslim. I asked if the men could choose, why couldn’t the women also choose? He informed me that the women had the ability to choose but that they always chose to have their heads covered. I then boldly asked if there had ever been a woman who led the call to prayer. He explained that men were weak and women were a distraction. “How would you feel if J Lo were standing in front of you while you are praying?” he asked. I suggested that it was a weak mind that could so easily be distracted from God. I pressed and asked if any woman had ever been invited to lead the prayer and he answered for the women, declaring, “No woman would want to do the work that a man is already doing.” My guess was that no one had ever been asked.
Lenny continued the tour of the mosque which was a truly impressive building. He also pointed out the room where a marriage ceremony was being completed. “They are tying the knot,” he declared more than once with some delight. I did not comment that I thought it was an offensive term to women, like being sold as property.
At the conclusion of the tour, we were ushered into the room where we had begun and Lenny offered us bottled spring water which he declared was the second best water on the planet with the first place going to the well in Mecca. I asked why Mecca was chosen as the center when Islam didn’t originate there and he explained that originally people revered Jerusalem in honor of the Old Testament which Muslims do honor. Mecca became important later and was now the most holy place. All mosque prayer rooms faced Mecca.
Lenny then asked if we wanted to partake of some food since it was lunch time and we all demurred but he pressed us declaring that it would be proper to take at least a little something. What I didn’t realize until we were there was that we had been invited to the wedding luncheon which was set up as a buffet. My guide and I had planned a different lunch but this was here and it was time to eat. Rob explained the items, some of which I knew and we both took little bits as samples on our plates. We were then shown into the dining room where the rest of the wedding guests had already been eating. There were enough other visitors that we filled a table set for ten people. Lenny did not join us.
The food was quite delicious and there were a few appetizer type items on the table which we were encouraged to try. One was a fermented rice product wrapped in a banana leaf. The young Japanese girls who tried it first identified the small alcohol component and gave it a thumbs up! Apparently, the small amount of fermentation was within Muslim proscription about alcohol. I was most surprised when the groom and bride came by to welcome us and the groom shook the hands of the men at the table receiving congratulations in return. One of the young male visitors from Denmark perhaps, tried to also shake the hand of the bride but was gently corrected by the new owner of the bride.
We were even presented with the small gift items one received when attending a wedding. It was a most gracious experience and Rob informed me that in all of the times he had been bringing people on tours of the mosque this was a first time experience for him as well.
We returned to the room where Lenny was waiting for the four of us and we all thanked him for his time and his encouragement of questions. He thanked us for coming with his broad smile and open hands. Rob and I returned to get our shoes and headed back to the now very warm car.
Since we had had our lunch, there was just the Chinese temple left on our agenda. I was most surprised when we arrived at the very ornate temple because it was the largest one I had seen in all of Southeast Asia. Rob explained that he would walk me through a wish asking ceremony after we had toured the temple. There were still hundreds of red lanterns in place from the Chinese New Year festival and they made the colorful temple even more so.
This temple was in honor of three female deities including Guan Yin. Rob explained the meanings and the types of questions that one might ask of each deity. There were many visitors who were praying and going through the steps for asking a question of one of the deities. I had had a similar experience at a Chinese temple in Taipei.
First, we needed to get incense sticks and light them from the nearby fire so that we could show our offering and respect to the deity. We did this and knelt for prayer on red cushions for which I was grateful. At the conclusion, we placed the incense sticks into a large ash pit where they would burn down into the ashes. At Thean Hou temple in Kuala Lumpur, we used the numbered joss sticks which were in a tall metal cylinder. By bouncing them until one was sticking up, we would get the answer to our questions. The number then related to a piece of paper with complex Chinese characters. In some cases, even Chinese people needed to ask for assistance because some of the characters were ancient and unknown to them.
Along the way to the exit, I noted a small registry room with glass windows and women at computers who seemed to be taking information from visitors. Rob explained that this was where people registered their marriages and made arrangements with the temple. All of the working women were wearing black skirts and crisp white blouses suggesting a governmental functionary.
Our tour was now concluded and Rob informed me that he would return me to my location from where we had begun. We both declared that the day was a delight and that we each gained much from the other. This was a most successful meeting of two people of very different ages and cultures who were willing to be open to each other about personal life. I cherished my time with Rob which encouraged me to seek more.