Perhaps it was the multiple days of gray weather. Perhaps my own radar was reacting improperly and needed a reset. Perhaps some messenger was letting me know that this meeting would be unlike others. Regardless, I sensed that my adventure with Bao was going to be abnormal.
My location in Taipei was in an out of the way area and my Airbnb host had sent multiple videos of the path that I would need to follow to arrive at the correct destination. Perhaps that in and of itself alerted me that I would have a challenge in getting to my space. I decided to reconnect my phone service which would allow me additional information about my whereabouts in relation to the space I needed to find. At this point, I had lived without a cell phone for five months. I navigated the streets of my cities the old fashioned way and did sometimes end up in the wrong place, but that was the nature of real adventure and letting myself be tested.
I was able to navigate Taipei’s metro and arrive at the proper station. I had memorized from the video the initial buildings and landmarks for me to find to keep me on my path. I regularly checked the host’s pictures on my phone to make sure that I wouldn’t be lost in this Asian city of indecipherable kanji. Ultimately, I was able with diligence to find my new space which was not my best Airbnb choice but would be acceptable for the ten days in Taipei.
Bao reached out to me after he saw my profile on a website for men to connect sexually. He was a fortyish Asian man with average build. I sensed that he was a very conservative person since he was not very forthcoming with information about himself. He had lots of questions about my journey and the places I had been and I was happy to tell someone my story. Since I had had my own difficulty in finding my space, I chose to meet him at a nearby hotel lobby which I knew was on the Internet and he would be able to locate it. He verified the hotel listing and our meeting was set.
We agreed on a time and I arrived early so that he would not be uncomfortable waiting for me. The lobby was large with multiple sofas and arm chairs. I chose a seat where I could observe the entrance to the hotel through the large windows. I had a face picture of Bao and a body description, but all of us Caucasians have some hesitancy with identifying Asian people and my task was newly complicated with the large percentage of people wearing face masks for health reasons. A lovely, nicely dressed lovely short haired woman came and took a seat in my area. She seemed to be preparing for a business meeting. A man in a suit who was talking on the phone and who met the body and facial identity of Bao came into the lobby and gave me a smile and nice eye contact, but he turned out not to be the one.
Bao was only a few minutes late and fortunately for him a bus full of new hotel guests had arrived just before him, so that he could easily blend in as he entered the lobby. He was dressed in multiple layers which included a cap and black leather gloves. He had a bright yellow jacket which was unusual for this area where people mostly wore the same drab colors of the buildings. Only women with their red lipstick provided some relief from the tedious spectrum of neutral colors. He wore the typical face mask of Asians who protect themselves from invasion.
He lowered his mask when he identified me to provide additional recognition information for me. I had intended that we stay in the comfortable lobby to begin our conversation, but he directed me with eye contact to exit the hotel. I’m not sure what it was, but I chose not to invite him directly to my space which would have been my usual plan of action. Part of that choice was that my space didn’t’ really have good comfortable seating for a meet and greet conversation. It was a cool day and I only had on jeans and a light sweater, but I chose to take him two short blocks away to a square that had some benches for sitting. I didn’t worry about his comfort since only a very small portion of his skin was exposed to the elements and this was his town.
I directed us to a stainless steel modern style bench with a back. It was not a quiet area, due to cars and motor bikes zooming by us as we began our conversation. He didn’t at any additional point lower his mask and in sitting with him I noted that his heavy black leather gloves had multiple small holes from wear. I asked him if the gloves were because he was cold or another protection from the virus. He laughed through the mask and declared that both reasons were correct.
We talked for about half an hour before I felt comfortable enough with him to suggest coming to my space. He opened to me about an earlier relationship where he had been injured emotionally. That information came about when I asked him if he had been married which he had not. I also asked him about his employment since he was only in his 40’s and not ready for retirement like myself. He had a successful position in the medical supply field and I joked with him about his easy access to surgical masks like the one that he was wearing. We also discussed their efficacy and he lobbied strongly for the surgical mask protectiveness, like a good salesman.
I had already determined for myself that this was unlikely to be a sexual encounter since I was not attracted to his energy and he was so reserved that it would take a large amount of my energy to seduce him. Not a good return on investment was my thinking. Nonetheless, I always enjoyed learning about people and their stories and I knew that he was likely to open up more in the confines of my small space.
The stainless steel mirrored elevator in my building was small but had plenty of room for two people to stand without touching. He seemed eager to be inside although the entrance to my space was not attractive but more utilitarian. I used the keypad code to open my steel door and grant us entry to my small twelve by twelve enclave which had an attached bathroom that was frankly the better of the two rooms.
I learned from him that he was an Airbnb host and so had great interest in my space and what I had paid. Perhaps that was his true interest in connecting with me and not any in myself. The only sitting spaces were the bed and a small loveseat which was not very comfortable. I chose to sit on the bed so that he could sit on the loveseat or occupy a seat on the bed next to me. He made an unanticipated third choice.
During the hour that he stayed in my space, he stood the whole time. He lowered his face mask and eventually took off his black leather gloves, but he was careful not to touch anything in the room even though everything was tidy and clean. He asked about seeing the balcony which only had a view of other balconies with people’s possessions and washing machines. It wasn’t very attractive but consistent with the drab and unappealing look of the area. This may have been one of the clues that he was more interested in the space than in me. I opened the sliding door for him, but he didn’t touch any surface there either.
As was my usual, I continued to ask him questions about himself, and he ultimately told me about a very negative experience that he had had with a previous male lover. He didn’t actually provide details about what the experience was. He did talk about having nightmares and asked how to find relief. I probed further, but he was not so forthcoming about the actual dreams that plagued his sleep.
I provided him with some practical solutions such as turning the channel in his TV brain and thinking about something with a more positive energy. I saw that he was struggling with the concept just as a newborn or a two year old figuring out a puzzle. Clearly, he had not thought about his brain and his imagery in this fashion before. I explained that we were unable to keep dreams and nightmares from happening without using drugs, so the best answer was to reframe the experience, to lessen the impact of the negative by replacing it with a happy or positive image. By shifting the focus. the negative got put into the background and had less impact. He seemed to get that concept and looked at the wall clock. He then looked at his phone to verify that the time was correct. “I have to go at six o’clock,” he declared. That meant that he would leave in less than ten minutes.
He mentioned that he was able to come today because his boyfriend needed some time for a task. I sensed that there was tension about this between them and he affirmed that he didn’t understand why the boyfriend needed to be alone. I asked if the friend were Caucasian and he affirmed adding that the man was married and smoked and drank. All three of which were problems in their relationship. I declared that it seemed like Bao should be looking for a new boyfriend who better matched his needs.
With that stated, Bao offered thanks for my time while putting his face mask and gloves back in place. He did not touch my door, even with his gloves on. I used the electronics to open it and stood in the hallway for him to exit. He faced me and put both hands together on his chest. “People aren’t shaking hands now,” he declared as he held his own close to his body. I wished him well and watched him head to the elevator. He didn’t look back and I didn’t offer to escort him to the front of the building which would have been my normal practice.
This was a visit from a strange man caged within himself, full of fears and anxieties that were amplified by the current virus issue. Perhaps his nature was to live with anxiety like an old comfortable blanket. I didn’t know if I was able to help him, but at least he had a good look at another Airbnb to better evaluate the market price of his own space. I didn’t hear from him since our parting.